Hmm... My first journal entry in "Insane Journal" I'm starting a new journal b/c there's alot of things to talk about in my life. My other journals get forgotten about and then I have to catch up on so much stuff and I don't like doing that. So here I am at a new journal website with new chronicles of my life to type about that I know you all are so interseted in lol. Whether you're interested or not I'm going to write. It's healthy I presume...
Alrighty and here we go..
So, I broke up with my boyfriend (Christopher Norton) after a year and four months. The main reason I broke up with him was because I never see him. He's in college and I'm only a Jr. in High school. He came home about once a month for one weekend, most of those times I only got to see him one day out of the weekend. Whenever he came home for christmas (about two months) he only came out to my house a few times. The reason for that is his parents. I love his parents but they never let him do anything! The worse part was that he wouldn't stand up to them! When he was in highschool last year i thought "Oh, well when he goes to college they won't boss him around as much," wrong! Everything stayed as it was. He was such a good boyfriend that I ignored it and still stayed inlove with him, I really didn't want to lose him. He was so sweet and cute and treated me well, but he was just too whimpy around his parents. I planned on getting married to him but when I thought about it I realized that I didn't feel too secure with him. So that's when Dakota came into the picture. Dakota and I go way back to Freshman year. We both had a crush on each other but never went through with it. So this year we started hanging out, I always talked to him about the problems I had with with my friend at the time (they're still kinda going on). We always ranted about her and it was really fun. He was on the speech team with me and we never takled to anybody else on the team because we didn't like them. "Two against the world, baby" - Grind House's Planet Terror. One night in January there was a speech meet at Sullivan Highschool. My mom, sister, sister's bf, best friend, and former best friend was all there to watch me including Dakota. We all had a great time, it was seriously the most fun I had at a speech meet in long time. My mom and sister loved Dakota becuase he was so outgoing and funny. Then after the fun was all over it was time to go home. Me and Dakota took the speech bus, and out of no where I kissed him. I knew I shouldn't have done it but I did, and I didn't care! When I got home after an awesome night of fun reality hit me. Chris called, i felt horrible. I told him how I did at the meet, and then I told him what i did. He wasn't happy... I can't blame him, could you? I told him I was so sorry and that I still loved him. At that time I was so confused I didn't know what to think. I went on for about three weeks deciding on a boy, I was sure that I would end up back with Chris. But seeing as I am here writing about it, I didn't end up with him. I talked to him still every night after I broke up with him. I still cared alot about him and didn't want to lose him in any way. Everytime I talked to him he pulled on my heart strings, I felt guilty even though I was very nice to him and very concerned for him. Until last Friday night. I called him planning on having a usual conversation with him, he was kind of acting weird and i asked him what was wrong. "You don't care that I date other girls, do you?" he asked me. I was a little surprised but i said "No, I don't" and I didn't. I was very happy at the news that he had a crush on a girl in one of his classes, I wanted him to move on and have fun in college. He then started acting very arrogant and making me feel really awful by telling me that he has the same feeling he had when he was going to ask me out and how beautiful the girl was. Yeah, I was really happy for him but I didn't really want to hear about it. I never rubbed Dakota in his face! I never told him how outgoing and handsome Dakota was. I never told him how Dakota could hold my pet snake unlike himself because he was too scared! And i never would, I wouldn't want him to feel the way i did. While we were talking Dakota called and I simply said "Oh, I'll call you later, Dakota is calling." I hung up, I cried, i felt like shit, dakota came over and made me feel better and that's when I told him that I loved him. From that moment on I knew that it was ok to like Dakota and that I would be happier with him. The next day after I got home from shopping with Dakota, Chris called. He wanted to come over and i said "Well, I don't think today is the best day." I told him that Dakota was over and he got really pissed. "I don't give a fuck, i'm coming over" and he did. It was awkward, but it put closure for us. He left, and i went from there. Now here I am three days later and I couldn't be happier. I really hope that his crush goes out with him so that he can he as happy as I am right now. I hope he becomes what he wants to be in life, he is a very good person and he will make a girl happy one day, when he grows up a little that is.
| 
anxious
sad
cranky
cheerful
awake